Thursday, May 05, 2005

Marketing 101

Now I enjoy staring at women's breasts as much as anyone. And Pamela Anderson Lee has her share (I count at least three in this photo). But I want to know who the genius was who paid good money to put up a billboard showing Pamela's boobs (oxymoron alert) in the wilds of Northern West Virginia.

I was on my way toward Pennsylvania yesterday morning on I-77 when I passed this PETA billboard (denouncing cruelty toward chickens) somewhere around Burnsville, West Virginia. I can only assume, since the traffic count there is rather meager, that the marketing gurus at PETA were targeting some poultry processing plant workers in the area. Like Pamela Anderson Lee's mammaries are going to influence their career decision-making.

Now I have more marketing training than a grown man should ever have. But sometimes it comes in handy. As in this case.

Memo to PETA and its marketing firm: Know your target audience. West, by God, Virginians still believe in the literal Bible. You won't find many citizens there showing up at work with their (fake) boobs exploding from their tight-fitting knit tops. Truth be known, most God-fearing women in the area find photos like that plastered on your billboard to be pornographic.

Whether you find their attitudes toward nakedness to be quaint, outlandish, silly, or disgustingly Christian, they are the people you are trying to sway, you morons. Where on earth were your brains when you devised this marketing gem? What were you thinking?

Oh. Wait a minute. I took another look at the billboard. I know exactly what you were thinking about. You devils.