Vodka drinkers? We don't even allow them here in Southwest Virginia. There's a law. We tell vodka drinkers to leave, to go to northern Virginia where they'll fit in. They're a bad influence on the young'uns, who are counseled at an early age as to the subtle but very real differences between bourbon, scotch (which gets special dispensation in Abingdon where our upper crust folk live), and sour mash whisky. Oh, and there's that separate category of refined spirits - moonshine. Corn squeezin's, as some call them.
Vodka? Put on a skirt, sweetheart. Call home; your mommy's looking for you. Before you go, shine my shoes. Is that hair on your chin or have you been kissing a rabbit's butt?
Here in Southwest Virginia, you're not even recognized as being a man:
The hard data on the hard stuffAnd, to make my point:
By Matt Chittum, The Roanoke Times
Across Virginia, vodka is king when you measure liquor sales by volume.
Statewide, vodka is the big seller, with 28 percent of all liquor sales by volume. But around the southwestern part of the state, it's dark spirits, not clear ones, that rule.
"You're going to skew a lot more brown goods than in an urban area," said John Knutson, director of marketing for Jim Beam bourbon maker Beam Global Spirits & Wine.
But measure the top liquors by dollars spent, and the brown stuff rises to the top.
Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey is No. 1 with more than $22 million in sales. It was No. 1 last year, too. It's No. 5 in sales by volume.
Its chief competitor, Jim Beam straight bourbon, is No. 2 by volume, and No. 3 by gross sales, giving it an especially strong position in the state. [link]
"Vodka drinkers are very experimental," Knutson said. One reason vodka is so popular is the explosion of not only higher-end vodkas, but products such as flavored vodkas apple, melon, grape, chocolate, espresso, even sweet iced tea-flavored vodka, he said.Gleeful drinkers? Gleeful? "Gleefully embraced" drinkers? Take your hand off my thigh and get outta my bar. You want to be "gleeful"? Move to Fairfax.
And that's one reason vodka is most popular in urban centers where trends are gleefully embraced.
"Experimental?" Experiment with Draino and leave us alone.
Chocolate vodka? Around here those two words put together will get you hurt, really bad.
Vodka. Rumor has it there was a vodka drinker down in Russell County a few years back. He came down with some communicable disease and had to be killed. Other than that one aberration, we are - to a man - whisky drinkers. And intend to stay that way. Want to order vodka and tonic? Move to New York City. Be some guy's girlfriend.
And while we're on the subject, let me put in a plug for that which has sustained my good health these many years:
Breakfast of champions.