I Qualify For Federal Aid

I knew it would come to this.  I, along with a shrinking minority of Americans, am not on the receiving end of a government handout.

Until now.

As it turns out, I qualify for federal assistance under the Healthy Food Financing Initiative. Sweet! First thing I'm going to do is go out and buy me a few more wallets.

Here's the deal: I live three miles from the IGA in Bland, Virginia. That, according to Michelle Obama makes me a victim. And you know how victims are treated in this country.

With cash!

The news:

Federal Anti-Obesity Initiative to Eliminate Food Deserts
By Peter Wilson, American Thinker

Before you get alarmed about the feds prying the Häagen-Dazs out of your cold dead fingers, the word "desert" in the title is not misspelled. A "food desert" is an area without a grocery store. For example, the Mojave Desert. Food deserts have been targeted by the White House, which has budgeted $400 million dollars a year for an intrusive nanny-state solution to solve a nonexistent problem.

First Lady Michelle Obama defined the problem at the Childhood Obesity Summit at the White House on Friday, one of the four program areas of her "Let's Move" campaign:

"We can do much more to make sure that all families have access to healthy and affordable food in their own communities. Twenty-three point five million Americans, including 6.5 million children, live in communities without a supermarket ... So, we're working with the private sector to reach a very ambitious goal, and that is to completely eliminate food deserts in this country."

If you live in a food desert where the only available choice is between fast food french fries and convenience store Twinkies, you have no choice but to eat junk food, according to the First Lady.

Consider, however, that a food desert is defined by the USDA and on the Let's Move website as "neighborhoods that are more than a mile from a supermarket." Stop for a second to wrap your mind around that. If your grocery store is more than a mile away, the federal government defines your community as "without a supermarket."

To summarize the USDA findings: 11.5 million people spend 4.5 minutes longer traveling to the grocery store. Does this qualify as "significantly more time"? Of this number, 7%, or 805,000 people, have to walk or take public transportation to the grocery store. Therefore the food desert problem -- people more than a mile from a grocery store without a car -- afflicts 0.2% of the U.S. population.

Let's Move reports:

"As part of the President's proposed FY 2011 budget, the Administration announced a new program - the Healthy Food Financing Initiative -- a partnership between the U.S. Departments of Treasury, Agriculture and Health and Human Services which will invest $400 million a year to provide innovative financing to bring grocery stores to underserved areas and help places such as convenience stores and bodegas carry healthier food options. Grants will also help bring farmers markets and fresh foods into underserved communities, boosting both family health and local economies. Through these initiatives and private sector engagement, the Administration will work to eliminate food deserts across the country within seven years.

We're going to "invest" $400 million a year to have federal agents "bring grocery stores to underserved areas" and "help" convenience stores carry (high-priced) apples and tomatoes? How exactly do federally funded farmers markets "boost local economies"? If the feds insisted on getting involved, wouldn't it be simpler to sign people up for a home delivery service like Peapod? [link]

I don't want to put ideas in Michelle's head but it would be a whole lot more cost-effective for the government to come here to this isolated part of Appalachia and force me and my neighbors - at the point of a gun - to resettle to areas that have supermarkets.  Or to require that Wal-Mart build a super-center on the southside of Bland, population 6,781.  After all, we deserve the opportunity of acquiring those South Beach Diet foods without having to drive a great distance to get them, just like everyone else.  Right?

So bring on the government assistance!

I wonder: Shouldn't the government provide me with a taxi cab - a Crown Vic! - too so that I can get to the market quickly and in style and without inconvenience?

This is great.  Free money from the government.  I could get used to this.