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Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Party Of Old White Guys

The advice I'm about to offer Mitt Romney is crass, contemptible, and, probably, racist/sexist.  The kind of advice that Dick Morris would have given Bill Clinton to get his ass out of the ringer in 1998.  The kind of advice that worked.

First, though, let's accept a given.  The position of Vice President of the United States is virtually purposeless (except in instances where it has its entertainment value - google the words "Joe," "clown," and "Biden").

That being the case, Romney would do well to use the opportunity to select a politician to fill the position that might provide him with a point or two in Hispanic or black or female votes (with the expectation that it won't bring anything more).

I know.  American voters are much more engaged than to allow something so shallow to influence their voting decisions.  But really?  (Google the words "Barack," President," and Obama.")

That said, here's my recommendation to ol' Mitt:  Don't do this:

Tim Pawlenty's stock soars in Romney-world

Pawlenty.  A white guy.

What will he bring to the Romney White House?

Brains.  Ability.  Formulation.  Enunciation.  Good looks.

Wow.  Big deal, right?

Yeah.  Big freaking deal.

If elected Pawlenty will join an assemblage of 45,000 really smart and articulate (and good-looking)  government employees offering advice to President Romney.

Big whoop.

No.  Romney needs to use the position to break the mold (google the words "Sarah," "McCain-was-destined-to-be-a-loser-otherwise," and "Palin").  To shake things up.  To get a discussion going in one or more minority communities. (One or more?  Google the words "Condoleezza," "black," "female," and "Rice.")

Names that come to mind:

Allen West.  (Google his name and the first response that comes up includes the words "Atilla" and "Hun.")  So maybe not.

Michelle Bachmann.  Again, she'd be great for the entertainment value.  I love to see liberals wet their pants in anger and frustration.  But she's a bit of a flake.  So no.

Marco Rubio.  Good guy.  Good politician.  Good choice.  But he doesn't seem to want it.

Sarah Palin.  Now that would be bold.  (A bit of a disclaimer: I've offered to give birth to her next child; I love and admire her that much.)  But bold Romney ain't.  So that's out.

Colin Powell.  Colin Powell.  The (non-)politician who my fellow Tea Party fanatics love to hate.  But hey, fellas, we're all going to vote for Romney regardless.  So you (and I) don't count in this deliberation.  We're after independents here.  And - dare I use the term - "open-minded" Americans.  Those who are willing to vote for a candidate because of the color of his skin.  Last I looked...

... our guy would then be blacker than theirs.

Crass, contemptible, and, probably, racist/sexist, isn't it?

I can see the bumper sticker now ...

Like I said, that'll be good for a few points.

And a few points will make all the difference in November.

Mitt: I'll be sending you a bill for the advice.  Just, please, don't do anything stupid (for more on that, google the words "Tim" and "Pawlenty").