Saturday, July 16, 2005

On Food. And Faux Food.

I present to you today two widely disparate stories that are, to my twisted way of thinking, related.

First there's the sad news reported in Collegiate Times, the Virginia Tech student newspaper, that a grocery store in Blacksburg, Virginia called Low Carb Crazy is closing. (link)

Cheri Kelsey, owner of Low Carb Crazy, said she was unable to get the kind of profit needed to keep the store open. The store did not attract enough business to remain economically feasible, even though several dozen customers remained loyal to the store.
Shop owners in the area (downtown Blacksburg) blame ongoing construction for the shutdown. The store's poor location (second floor of a downtown building with multiple vacancies) and the fact that the store's target audience was microscopic ("several dozen customers remained loyal to the store ..."), and the fact that a discerning shopper could find the same packaged low carb leaves and twigs over at Wal-Mart may have had something to do with the store's demise as well.

But what do I know?

The second story comes from the Associated Press.

14-Pound Baby Girl Born in Kentucky

CORBIN, Ky. (AP) -- A baby girl weighing a whopping 14 pounds, 3 ounces was born in Kentucky, a hospital official said. The baby was born Tuesday by Caesarean section and appeared healthy, said Susan Whittymore, a nursing supervisor at Baptist Regional Medical Center. (link)
Being a former Kentuckian and knowing the people of Corbin like I do, I can say, with a high degree of certainty, that this kid's parents weren't eating bark for supper each evening. Or low carb soils and mulch.

In Kentucky its pig knuckles and possum fat, baby. Greasy pork barbecue and high carb fried potatoes. Slop. Especially slop. Polysaturated slop. And lots of it.

So how are these two stories related?

In Blacksburg, the average low carb devotee, topping out at 112 pounds (and that's the male of the species), and subsisting on a diet of molds, spores, and lichens, worries about being knocked down by a stiff breeze.

In Corbin, a person has to trade the Chevy Cavalier for a Mack truck when his wife blesses him with a young'un. 14 pounds 3 ounces of young'un.

There is a lesson to be learned here. Low Carb Crazy is no more. And McDonald's stock reached an all-time high last week.