Sunday, September 24, 2006

Where's The Fight In The Fightin' 9th?

[The following column originally appeared in the Roanoke Times on August 31, 2006]

Get Ready To Rumble
By Jerry Fuhrman

This is an open letter and a word of advice to Bill Carrico, Republican candidate for the 9th Congressional District.

Everyone tells me you're a great guy with a superb track record in the Virginia House of Delegates and that you're right on the issues that matter most.

But you're going to lose if you let your opponent -- a powerful foe with a vast array of resources and a boatload of influential friends -- set the agenda and the tone of the debate. As of this writing, you are doing just that.

Your adversary has already begun the process of framing the contest in the same way he did in 2004 when he ran against Kevin Triplett. He has made it clear to his supporters -- and to his friends in the mainstream press -- that he is going to maintain a "positive campaign."

His intention is to force you to keep your criticisms positive as well or run the risk of being labeled, as Triplett was two years ago, as "having gone negative." Kevin played the game to the end and was positively crushed by 20 points on election night. Do the same, and prepare to meet the same fate.

There is much for which Rick Boucher has to answer relating to realities here on the ground; ground we are slowly, inexorably losing. And making nice will not get us answers. Especially to questions like these:
  • Economic projections for Southwest Virginia -- even when taking into account more robust areas like Blacksburg, Wytheville and Abingdon -- paint a bleak picture. According to the Milken Institute, the nation's premier economic think tank, Bristol, as part of the district's only metropolitan statistical area known as the tri-cities -- ranks 170th in terms of future economic growth potential out of 200 MSAs across the U.S. To put it in terms that can be more readily understood, 170th puts Bristol on a glide path to third-world country status if we stay on course. Does Boucher find something positive in the fact that Bristol beat out Detroit (192nd)?
  • Since he was re-elected in 2004, dozens of employers in Pulaski, Smyth, Scott, Russell, Wise, Wythe, and Giles counties as well as in Galax closed their doors because the cost of doing business here became too great. Why?
  • The largest private employer in Washington County has laid off a fifth of its workers and is up for sale. Why?
  • According to the U.S. Census Bureau, since Boucher originally took office in 1983, Lee, Dickenson, Tazewell, and Buchanan counties have lost population as thousands of families have left the area to find work. Why?
  • Add to that statistic another census bureau report that estimates a loss of population in Scott, Pulaski, Patrick, Wise, Russell, and Smyth counties between the 2000 census and today. Why?
  • The largest employer in Giles County, one that provided 28 percent of total county tax revenue, has nearly shut down. Why?
  • A quarter of the people in Lee County live below the poverty line. Why?
  • Millions of precious taxpayer dollars have been devoted to developing the tourism industry in Southwest Virginia in recent years with virtually nothing to show for it. Why?
  • Buchanan County has the highest suicide rate in the state, followed by Scott, Russell, Wise and Lee. Double the state average. Why?
  • An estimated 6,000 homes in Southwest Virginia have no indoor plumbing. In 2006. Why?
  • The government has found the drinking water coming out of Callahan Creek and the Powell River to be unfit for human consumption. Yet many citizens of Wise County have no alternative source of potable water. Why?
  • Why substandard housing?
  • Why a shorter life expectancy?
  • Why higher infant mortality rates?
  • Why underperforming schools?
Why?

Mr. Carrico, the people of Southwest Virginia deserve answers. You can choose to keep your campaign on a positive plane and lose, or you can demand accountability. Thunder your demand for all to hear. Convince the people of Southwest Virginia that circumstances here, though deteriorating, can improve. Convince them, and you'll win. Then, once elected, roll up your sleeves and bring positive change to this tortured land.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Christmas In September

I decided recently to cash in all the frequent flyer/frequent sleeper points I've accumulated from the many hotels and airlines I routinely patronize. Some of these had grown to embarrassing proportions. So I'm now the proud owner of a Sony photo scanner, a 6 megapixel Nikon camera, a $100 Lowe's gift certificate, about twenty magazine subscriptions (I just cashed in the last of my Continental Airlines points this morning) and I still have countless free nights at hotels that offer only free nights.

With the disappointing exception that nobody offers booze or cigars, this is kinda cool.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

A Fish Story

Texas Redneck and his pet fish

A Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of BULL! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Poll This, M*&#-^ F*'#@%`!

My mother is 79. A country girl who raises chickens, she lives over near Louisville. (Side note - she's smoked most of her life and can still kick your ass if you mess with her ... or her chickens).

She's meaner than a rattlesnake when provoked.

Yesterday someone just had to provoke. She received a phone call that, because caller ID showed that it had the same area code as my cell number (571, Maryland), she answered, thinking it might be me.

It turned out to be from one of those out-of-state political polling groups. The conversation went like this:
"Is this Mrs. Fuhrman?"
"Yep."
"Are you registered for the election in November?"
"Yep."
"Are you going to vote in the November election?"
"Yep."
"How are you registered, Republican or Democratic?"
"Independent.
"What is your age?"
"That is my business and no one else's."
"How do you intend to vote in this election?"
"Sir, that is the reason we have a secret ballot."

(Click.)
She was obviously in a good mood yesterday. She didn't reach through the phone and pinch his head off ...